I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
