I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
