she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
