why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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