so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If that was your dad, he is hot
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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