literally had 100 drinks last night.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Your shirt... Was in my pants
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
