found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
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I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize