I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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