Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I want you more than these girls want KFC
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
