I haven't been this sober since birth.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
