I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
