sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
