there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
