You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
