You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
