get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
