I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize