Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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