Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
