You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
