I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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