i think my mom watched the whole time
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
