WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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