Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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