My underwear smells like fireworks.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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