If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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