How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
