Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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