Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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