that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This is classic penis vs brain.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
