I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
