man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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