It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
