Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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