I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
