I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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