that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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