I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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