Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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