my text book just quoted the cookie monster
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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