i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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