kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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