Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
