My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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