Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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