I got chris browned last night
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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