I just gift wrapped bread.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
