I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
