Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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