Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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