So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
