hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
