I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)