Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?