the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
that's an acceptable place to lick
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shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
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I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees