i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.