How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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