he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
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nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
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he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey