a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
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He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
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she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.