The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
