dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
