i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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