Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize