Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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