I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
