Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She needs sedatives and a leash
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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